2010 Recap and an ode to 2011.

I know that no one else cares about the measly year in the life of me, but I'm making this for my selfish blogging self! It is a year in review, a record for me to look back at and see what I have overcome and the fun, loving memories. I'm so grateful for this life I have been given and I want to remember all the blessings I have had. So here it is: 2010 Review.

:)
----Ringing in 2010 with friends and loved ones.
----Citizen Cope in Minneapolis.
----California with Mom and Gina.
----My awesome 26th Bday and PedalPub experience with close loved ones.



:(
----My Grandma going to the hospital.
----My Grandma passing away in July 2010. R.I.P. Ilona Senior.



:)
----My Grandma contacting my sister and I. She let us know that she is okay now, happy, and comfortable.



:)
----Meeting all of my Grandma's friends/neighbors/co-workers and hearing funny/fun/happy stories about her that I hadn't heard before.
----The beautiful wake and funeral that her friends put together, her friends and neighbors are angels.



:)
----Oregon with Gary.
----Meeting Dax Riggs.
----Reliving my youth in a Lords of Acid mosh pit with Amy.
----Gorillaz concert.
----Florida with Mom, Kendra and Cynthia.

And last, but not least:

----Remembering to be Mindful.


I am so grateful for my family, friends, acquaintances, my job, my cat, my apartment, my health, and my life. Thanks 2010 for the ups and I know there were some downs, but I am rest assured that my Grandma Lazar is where she wanted to be and she shaped me into who I am in the short amount of time we had together.

2011: Please bring health and happiness to all my loved ones and many good memories to come. I have so much to look forward to! Especially Budapest, that will be the big highlight of 2011....please get me there safely 2011.

Love,
Ilona

Florida/California.....A warm place.

I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo excited to go to Florida in 3 days. I would have dragged that "sooooooooo" even longer, but I didn't want to be too annoying.

I am just so sick of Minnesota winter, I am in over my head. The sad part of it all is that it is only December 5th. We still have FOUR more months of this total depression. I am almost positive that I have S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder.) I can't stop sleeping, eating, drinking, binging. Hmmmm, the list goes on and on.

HOW DO PEOPLE LIVE HERE THEIR WHOLE LIVES?

Could someone PLEASE explain that last question I just typed?

When you live in the United States and you have 50 states to choose from, why oh WHY choose Minnesota as a state to live in?

I do have some respect for this state: it has a good music scene, a good sports scene (if you're into that sort of rubbish), good people, good museums, good schools, and many other good things.

Did you know that California has all that and more? Such as: good WEATHER! Besides the occasional earthquake, it is much better in California. It really is. The two times that I have been to California, I have not wanted to leave.

Can anyone give me a good reason NOT to go to California?

I would miss my family and friends, yes, but they could come visit me in sunny California! And I could take many trips back to Minnesota. I could come back at Christmas time and say "ohhhh, this is so nice having Christmas in the genuine way, with snow and ice and everything nice." And then I'd leave a couple days later telling everyone " Okay, now enjoy that snow and ice for the next four months......feel free to come to Cali soon!"

I am happy to have a safe community to live in, I am blessed really. I just have an eternal longing for the west coast. It Must come from all of my ancestors that ventured that way, huh? Maybe not, but that excuse is good enough for me.

If I am going mental by January, I am so out of here.

No regrets.

Photography.

I went to a seminar tonight on "digital photography." I received 2 coupons for free classes after I bought this really expensive camera. The class was AWESOME! I felt SO in my element. I was incredibly alert and awake and just feeling it. I miss my photography passion and this class reminded me that I still have it in me.

I know that I was just mentioning how "unhappy" I have felt lately, but I just need to do NEW things. That is the cure to unhappiness, I swear. I have felt the happiest I have felt in a while. My muse has awoken again!

Did you know there is soooooooooooo much to photography that I have forgotten about? I mean there are shutter speeds, apertures, ISO's..............so much I forgot about. I have had a cheap digital camera in the past few years (which don't get me wrong, I appreciated...thanks Gary for that as a Bday present!) There is just so much more to photography than snapping the button down. There is sooooo much.

The teacher tonight brought up the point that, yes you can use your "automatic focus" feature.....but it takes so much away from the creativity that goes with photography. It is so much more of an art than what many assume.

Gary keeps talking to me as I write this so I'm having troubles concentrating. I gotta go. I just wanted to get this out! :)

Adulthood.

I never thought I'd be this unhappy as an adult. Yes, some days are better than others....but overall, holy crap am I unhappy. I know that I need change. I need major change. So for starters, in this new year that we are coming upon I am going to make a HUGE effort to find a new job. My biggest effort yet. If that new job rocks and I'm still unhappy, than I'll have to make a change somewhere else in my life.

I don't know.

That's my problem I guess, I don't know why I'm so unhappy. I have so many things to be grateful for. I have had an "easy" life.

2011 is going to bring many good changes though, I promise myself that much.