She gave me so many laughs.

I have been having a lot of trouble with the loss of my Grandma Lazar whom I am named after. I know in my heart that she is so much happier where she is and that she wanted to get out of this plane of existence and wanted to enter the next phase. I know that she is with my Dad, Uncle Victor and Grandpa Lazar, her dogs, my Grandma Oliver and countless others that I have known that have left this place that we call Life.

I finally found this old pocket notebook that I have had since my Grandma Lazar and I reconnected when I was 20. I had never really gotten to know her for the 15 years since my dad and mom divorced making it awkward and/or difficult for my Grandma Lazar to contact us, but I found out that she was a very funny lady.


Spring of 2005;

Grandma Lazar: "So Paris Hilton found God, it was on the news...."

Me: "Maybe she should have found God a long time ago."

Grandma Lazar: "No, she was too busy making sex videos. I mean, she's 26, of course she's having sex, but why does she have to show it?"

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Grandma Lazar: "Have you seen these new Iphones they have now? You can get internet, texts, pictures. It makes just about everything except children!":

Spring/Summer 2006;

I was attempting to park in an SA parking lot, but all of the spots (except for the handicapped parking) were full. I said in a screechy/uncertain voice, "I don't know if I should take the handicapped parking spot?" In which Grandma Lazar stated "just take it and I'll stay in the car, we'll just say that I can't walk....."

Mad dash out of Minnesota?

Once in a while (about every other week) I get this intense urge to travel somewhere. I would really like to go back to Oregon, I have only been there once and that was already six years ago. I went on a few nature hikes there and they forever changed my life, as cheesy as that might sound, they really did. The problem is I don't know anyone who would want to go as soon as I do, I'm thinking in the next couple months. So, I got to thinking: maybe I'll go alone? It seems a little strange and intimidating, but the more I have been thinking about it, the more brilliant it has seemed.

I have been on this planet for 26 years and I have never traveled alone. I have traveled by myself to other states, but would always have someone in the other state waiting for me. I have never just up and traveled to a destination to hang out by myself. It seems like such a ballsy thing to do, but it also strikes me as a lonely thing to do. I'm gonna do it though. As lonely and strange as it seems it also seems brave and a good confidence builder.

I can't wait to see such beauty again!

Random draw-rings and pick-tures.