Looking Good!

I just wanted to write down a thought that crossed my mind while playing “Wii Fit” tonight (of all things.) I thought about how if my Grandma was still in this world right now, she’d be telling me in her strong Hungarian accent, “can you believe this weather?” Although where she is now there is no pain or suffering, so it must be a comfortable temperature. That would be my question for her and my dad though: How is the weather up there in heaven? Or wherever they are now which I imagine is far more peaceful than here.

Just a few minutes (maybe seconds) after I thought of that question, the Wii Trainer read on the screen “Looking Good!” This is, I know to you reading this, a total coincidence. But to me, that small message meant a lot. My dad used to say this to my sister, my brother and I every time we went to visit him (which wasn’t very often.) The last time I saw my dad when he was conscious, he said those exact words to my brother and I.

I am a strong believer in messages. You can receive a message that you are meant to hear through the rustle of the wind outside, a song on the radio or even a random commercial that you happen to catch on TV. Sometimes you’ll never catch these messages, but when you do catch them you’ll know it was meant for your ears. Random conversations overheard, strangers having small talk with you, the ticking of a clock. There is a reason for everything that comes your way. Once you accept that, you will see.

Eva

This song gives me chills every time I hear it. A song for anyone that's lost someone close to them (which I think the majority of people have at some point in their lives....) I don't care how cheesy you think that the band Orgy is, this song is beautiful.............

Eva

You know I started to grow
since you've been away
Lately, it's scarier not knowing
what's become of you
Are you proud of me now,
I can't tell
I'm not as fearless as you
Still I pretend that
you're still standing by
To show me wrong from right
Never got a chance to say goodbye
Take this gift from me,
hold it deep in mind,
forever and never let this go
I used to think you were crazy
When you were hooked to the screen
But now they tell me that
you're in a better place
But where did you go
And I swear sometimes
you're watching over me
Still I'd give the world
for the chance
just to see your face again
Now, there's nothing left but time
Know that I'm following you
Eva's always on my mind
and it makes me wonder
What happened to you?
You know it makes me wonder
Still I pretend that
you're still standing by
to show me wrong from right
And never let this go away

--Orgy

Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream........

but please don't bring me the type of dream that paralyzes my body as I am trying to go to sleep and puts me in the mind frame that I'm going to die in the next few seconds. It went something like this:

I was driving on West Lake Street, I was just going around the curve with Lake Calhoun to my right and a cloudy sky above me. I had the passenger window halfway down with a cool breeze coming through. I was just about to adjust the music on the stereo when it started violently storming, the rain started pouring into the car from the open window. I was just about to roll up the window when my car started blowing away from the wind and I just felt like I was floating and had no control. It was the worst panicky feeling of doom that I have ever experienced and I was waiting to either drown from all the water coming into my car or get side-swiped by another car. I was paralyzed, just waiting to get hurt in one way or another and I felt sooooo drowsy. It was when I figured out that I was so drowsy that I came to and was startled awake.

I felt so blessed to be safe under the covers in my bedroom. I could have sworn that I really went through that experience in real life, but luckily it was just a dream. My heart goes out to people that really have gone through that though. :(

She gave me so many laughs.

I have been having a lot of trouble with the loss of my Grandma Lazar whom I am named after. I know in my heart that she is so much happier where she is and that she wanted to get out of this plane of existence and wanted to enter the next phase. I know that she is with my Dad, Uncle Victor and Grandpa Lazar, her dogs, my Grandma Oliver and countless others that I have known that have left this place that we call Life.

I finally found this old pocket notebook that I have had since my Grandma Lazar and I reconnected when I was 20. I had never really gotten to know her for the 15 years since my dad and mom divorced making it awkward and/or difficult for my Grandma Lazar to contact us, but I found out that she was a very funny lady.


Spring of 2005;

Grandma Lazar: "So Paris Hilton found God, it was on the news...."

Me: "Maybe she should have found God a long time ago."

Grandma Lazar: "No, she was too busy making sex videos. I mean, she's 26, of course she's having sex, but why does she have to show it?"

**********************************************************************************

Grandma Lazar: "Have you seen these new Iphones they have now? You can get internet, texts, pictures. It makes just about everything except children!":

Spring/Summer 2006;

I was attempting to park in an SA parking lot, but all of the spots (except for the handicapped parking) were full. I said in a screechy/uncertain voice, "I don't know if I should take the handicapped parking spot?" In which Grandma Lazar stated "just take it and I'll stay in the car, we'll just say that I can't walk....."

Mad dash out of Minnesota?

Once in a while (about every other week) I get this intense urge to travel somewhere. I would really like to go back to Oregon, I have only been there once and that was already six years ago. I went on a few nature hikes there and they forever changed my life, as cheesy as that might sound, they really did. The problem is I don't know anyone who would want to go as soon as I do, I'm thinking in the next couple months. So, I got to thinking: maybe I'll go alone? It seems a little strange and intimidating, but the more I have been thinking about it, the more brilliant it has seemed.

I have been on this planet for 26 years and I have never traveled alone. I have traveled by myself to other states, but would always have someone in the other state waiting for me. I have never just up and traveled to a destination to hang out by myself. It seems like such a ballsy thing to do, but it also strikes me as a lonely thing to do. I'm gonna do it though. As lonely and strange as it seems it also seems brave and a good confidence builder.

I can't wait to see such beauty again!

Random draw-rings and pick-tures.

Mild rant.

We have starving children, homeless people, animal shelters being bombarded by unwanted animals, hardworking people struggling to pay off debt and countless other atrocities in this world. It sucks, it really sucks and I wish I could do more to help cure all of this. I try to put in my two cents in this world, I work 40 plus hours a week at a medical clinic and volunteer when I can. I know that there are people out there doing much more than I'm doing, saving lives and donating money, etc, etc. Power to all of us that try and help those that need our help.

And then I go and read about a heiress that left millions of dollars to her chihuahua??? Seriously???? Wait a second, whaaaattt????? COME ON PEOPLE, PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE SAY THIS IS A JOKE! Please? Is this mic on?

Read it and weep (literally....)

http://finance.yahoo.com/family-home/article/109848/little-dog-large-estate